Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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