I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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