Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
