You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
