I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
