At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
