I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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