I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
