i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
now i know why i became what i already was.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
