i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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