It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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