watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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