just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
