I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
