I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
