this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
