love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
