Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
