Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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