How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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