I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
