he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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