went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
