omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
