UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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