You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
