the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
