Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
