I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
