You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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