i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
