no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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