Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
