I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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