my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
