Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
