the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
