Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
