I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
