You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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