ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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