Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
