The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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