i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
