we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
