The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize