This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
