In the future we'll all be gay
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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