So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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