Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
