Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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