Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
