If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
