I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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