some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize