Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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