Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
