Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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