God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize