What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
