just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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