so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
