my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
