well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize