Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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