so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
