did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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