I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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