My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize