Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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