So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
