roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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