Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
