Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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