omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
