With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
