It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
