Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize